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| As life’s journey continues, what is the value of family? |
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by Bob Blumm, MA, PA-C, DFAAPA - February 7, 2012
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In the November 1996 issue of Advance for PAs, I wrote an article on “Keeping The Family Together.” The article was good and if my colleagues, my physician friends, my NP colleagues and all professionals in every field had followed it, we all would have had less regrets. As the journey continued, I should have placed the article in a frame and read it daily because now as I near the end of my journey, I observe that I failed, in that I heeded some but not all of my advice. The fact remains; in the long run there is nothing as important as your spouse and your children and as twilight approaches steadily, we are aging confronted with what we have really accomplished.
I have authored books, chapters, served on countless committees, was president of one State PA society (NY) and five national Associations including one that I am president of for the next two years. I have been a Liaison from my profession to the American College of Surgeons, created the opportunity for the first PA license from the NYS Education Department. I won us Scheduled prescriptions in NYS and yet after two years who remembers but myself. When we leave our favorite place of employment, what new colleagues know us of our contribution to the profession that places food on the table? As wise Solomon once said, “vanity of vanities, all is vanity.”
As we continue to age we begin to think of our kids who have now been in high school, graduated college, started in a profession and now have kids of their own. Will they follow their parent’s errors or will they rebel and make the decision to put family first as it is the only enduring unit. I would trade all of the conferences where I spoke or traveled to for the opportunity to spend that time taking the family on another special vacation. My kids had four of five excellent vacations but they remember them and wonder why we did not engage in this time of family adventure and togetherness every year. It’s because their “old man” was more interested in having a name among his colleagues in the profession and in fact was short sighted. As if we live long enough, none of those recipients of our commitment will be at our funeral encouraging our spouse or children.
I cannot change much of this now but I can openly encourage my colleagues not to follow my steps, after all, I have spent my life winning your respect. Names such as president, chairman and ambassador are a status of our skills or commitment but more important is the loving name of Mom or Dad. A special family dinner or every family dinner should be eaten and be a time of reflection of the day so that we may all share what is happening in our lives, We must shut off the damn cell phones, house phones and texting devices when we sit down to eat together. Family vacations must be a priority over conferences. Both have their place but there are many opportunities to get CME/CEU on line and in journals without going to every conference, No, the ED’s of the associations won’t like that but their job is to keep the association strong and therefore they want you at every conference as conferences make money. Yes, go to a conference or two annually but give as much time to a family vacation. Some of us have more expendable income than others, vacations do not mean going to Europe or Asia as you can have a wonderful time in your own state, sleep in a one star hotel rather that a four star as your time will be spent having fun together and little time will be spent in your bed. A full 25% of my income is made by speaking at conferences and I may get a few people pissed and find out next year that 10% of my income will come from conferences but I owe this to you.
Remember, family gatherings are celebrations of achievement and all of our family members have achieved something throughout the year. Focus on the Family is not about a TV program it is about a lifestyle, one that every reader of this small article is confronted with.
Robert M. Blumm has received national recognition as a distinguished fellow of the American Academy of Physician Assistants (AAPA). He is the past president of the Association of Plastic Surgery Physician Assistants, and was past-president of the American Association of Surgical Physician Assistants, past president of the American College of Clinicians and NYSSPA, as well as Chairman of the Surgical Congress of the AAPA. In addition, Bob received the John Kirklin MD Award for Professional Excellence from the American Association of Surgical Physician Assistants. Along with his associate, Dr. Acker, Bob was the first recipient of the AAPA PAragon Physician-PA Partnership Award. He has been a contributing author of three textbooks, written 300 plus articles and is a sought out conference speaker throughout the United States.
The viewpoint expressed in this article is the opinion of the author and is not necessarily the viewpoint of the owners or employees at Healthcare Staffing Innovations, LLC.
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| Elizabeth Schwendler RN, CNP (Akron, Ohio) |
on 14 Feb 2012 at 7:17 pm |
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| Thank you for being so transparent. I loved the article. I'm making a copy of it so I can show it to my husband. This society seems to dictate that there is so much more "out there" that is so much better than taking the needed time and effort to be the best husband or wife and parent that we can be. Unfortunately, statistics show that many children simply are not geting the consistent love and direction they need, and our society is suffering. The stress that is so common today comes from trying to "do it all". It's time that we all seriouly consider what IS really important. Thanks, again. |
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| Bob Blumm (Amityville, NY) |
on 12 Feb 2012 at 2:19 pm |
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Hi Ken:
I wish to extend my gratitude for you in taking the time from your schedule to respond to an article that I hoped would encourage and simultaneously remind my colleagues that the best in life is usually under your own roof. Strange , I received a half dozen notes that "hoped I was OK" or that mentioned i must have been in a particularly melancholic mood. I usually try to be transparent when I send our articles with personal sentiment and I agree with you, that in the end we may not have done everything perfectly but we have tried and we have left a carbon footprint. As I look at your life and the books you have authored and your current activities I know that you relate to the touchy feel emotion that sometimes surfaces as we enter a sixth decade.
Balance is perhaps the most difficult and elusive aspect of our lives and since we are not walking a tightrope we tend to be more caviler. You have managed to give your fiast in every aspect of your career and I hope that you continue in this great venture that is so appreciated by myself and my colleagues.
thanks again for your time.
Warmly,
Bob
"Everyone has limits. You just have to learn what your own limits are and deal with them accordingly."
- Nolan Ryan |
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| Ken Grauer, M.D. (EKG Press) |
on 12 Feb 2012 at 2:17 pm |
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Ken Grauer ekgpress@mac.com to me
show details 1:21 PM (52 minutes ago)
Hi Bob. I read your e-mail at least 3 times in different settings. I sense lots going on with you, obviously including reevaluating accomplishments/life experiences. Your message speaks of that elusive "balance" between the right amount of professional activity (to earn income/develop stability/make an impact with lasting beneficial effect/derive sufficient self-satisfaction) - vs - quality time with family and loved ones and children who grow up way too fast.
I don't know that I'll ever find the truly perfect "balance" - though I'm closer now after retiring from my teaching faculty slot and retiring from seeing patients than I've ever been. I'm still as BUSY as ever (working on my ECG/ACLS projects - and along the way trying to guarantee enough additional income to adequately supplement my pension and guarantee my level of comfort in these trying economic times) - but I have found my soulmate within the past 6 years, and I have made more time for relationships - and have the luxury of being able (for the most part) to devote my time to truly doing what I want to do (not the case especially in my last few years on faculty with ever increasing pressures on seeing more patients with less support for education and never enough time to do anything well ... ).
Bottom Line: I hope you are not too hard on yourself (my impressions from reading your e-mail, and my reason for finding myself needing to read it no less than 3 times ... ). You've accomplished a LOT in your life professionally - and your work HAS had positive impact on your patients and your profession. That is GOOD - and you should feel good about it. Sounds like your "formula" was not the optimal one - though some of that can now be altered. But life isn't perfect - and we do the best we can and strive to continue growing and learning in search of that optimal mix. You have learned a lot about that.
Please pardon the above if it feels out of place to you - just the result of me truly pondering the wisdom of what you wrote and wanting to convey it back to you in friendly fashion.
Take care,
Ken (ekgpress@mac.com) |
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| Kim C., PA-C (GA) |
on 08 Feb 2012 at 7:02 pm |
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| As personal chronic illness itself has unexpectedly sidelined my overall practice potential, I too realize that spending much more time with my young teens ..even with substantially less income..living very frugally..may just indeed be grander than any any PA-C position I have ever held. I would'nt of made that statement 3 years ago !! Sometimes a change of perspective is a true blessing. |
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| Bob Blumm (Amityville, NY) |
on 08 Feb 2012 at 3:16 pm |
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thanks for your comment Ben. Reality bites and hopefully hard enough where we open our eyes and make changes.
bob |
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| Ben Fleming, PA-C (Georgia) |
on 08 Feb 2012 at 10:52 am |
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| Could not agree more after 25 years as PA. |
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